If You Feel Like You Don’t have any Friends

if you feel friendless

“I feel like I don’t have any friends.”

This is a theme I’ve heard woven through recent conversations.

Have you been there? Are you there right now?

Aren’t many of us in that same boat in one season or another?
Feeling friendless?

We’re all reading books like…

MWF Seeking BFF, by Rachel Bertsche.
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, by Mindy Kaling.
The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore, by Marla Paul.

You know. Alone on our couches.

Then there are the articles about why it’s so darn hard to make friends as an adult.
I’ve read them, I’ve shared them. They’re good.

Is this feeling universal?
Because I’ve felt it in full-force at times. And from what I hear — you do to.
Maybe we should let this friendless feeling connect us instead of push us further from each other.

Because maybe we already know the answer to loneliness, the excuses we keep, the fears we hoard.

Invitation is the Answer.

Action, invitation, and commitment are the answers to our feelings of isolation.

I love what my friend Brooke says, “sometimes the cause of those lonely feelings comes when we’re not connecting in meaningful ways with other people.”

What if we feel friendless because we don’t consciously make time for the friends that we actually have?

Or even the acquaintances who could become friends!

The apprehension is understandable.
“I don’t even know what I’d make them for dinner.”
“What if they can’t come?”
“Will my kids overwhelm them?”
“But my house… it’s so messy.”
“Everyone is too busy.”
“I’m nervous. I don’t want to sound crazy when I invite people over.”
“Will my baby-food smeared shirt and crying baby be off putting?”
“What will we talk about?”

This ‘trying to protect ourselves from rejection’ business?
It’s leading to our isolation.

I aware of the ‘fear factor’. 87% of us probably face the same hangups when it comes to extending invitations or entering “new friend territory”.

But guess what? We all just want to hang out!

I’m headed out the door for a new workout class, not sure I’ll know anyone there. But I’m going anyways because I believe that friendship is always right around the corner.

Here’s how to be surrounded by friends.

Yeah, this is your homework for the week. Invite someone(s) to do something. Share a coffee. Grab a pizza. Have cereal for dinner. Make time for authentic conversations while you eat a meal; it doesn’t have to be “entertaining”, a simple gathering will do.

If someone asks to hang out — say yes (and if that moment doesn’t work, for goodness sakes, suggest a time or event that does).

Who’s it going to be?

Tell me who you’ll connect with this week. How will you foster friendship in your life?
I wanna know so I can encourage you; share in the comments below. <3


Side note: If you’re really really feeling friendless because you’ve moved to a new town or something else is making friendship hard, I understand and am sending you a HUGE virtual hug. This series might help.

5 comments… add one

  • Laura September 17, 2015, 11:12 am

    I love this! Just yesterday I reconnected with a high school friend that’s going through a divorce and has just had a hard time as of late. I’m so looking forward to hanging with her and bringing a little fellowship lurve her way. :) I know for a fact that a lot of my friendship hang ups have been worked through from reading your posts and talking with you. You’re the fellowship master! <3

    • Alysa September 17, 2015, 11:22 am

      Thanks!! :) Glad to hear that you’re reconnecting with a friend during that hard circumstance. I know that your friendship and presence will bring a whole lotta love and restoration into her life.

      Aw! You’re so sweet.

  • Brooke Snow September 18, 2015, 4:43 pm

    Amen!!! I love this! And you know, to expand further on my comment you mentioned in your post, I have thought more about the term “rekindle a friendship”. I love the metaphor of our friendships being like fires. If we don’t feed the fire, the embers dim and dim until it feels quite lonely and dark. As I was lamenting my own loneliness just a few weeks ago, I mustered determination to invite a friends family over for dinner. Thanks to your fabulous “cereal for dinner” approach, it didn’t feel stressful at all. It was a great success, but best yet, was the feeling I had when they left. I didn’t feel lonely anymore. I felt the warmness of connection. The fire was fed and our friendship was rekindled. Too often my own friendless state really does come from my own lack of attention. I’m ready to change that. Consistently. Because no one likes to feel lonely :)

    • Alysa September 18, 2015, 4:59 pm

      What an analogy, Brooke!! Thank you for sharing that. “Rekindling friendship” is exactly what so many of us need to do. I’m sure it’ll help us feel “the warmness of connection” as you so beautiful put it. I love that you’re committing to consistency in this rekindling process. :)

  • Michaela Cristallo September 20, 2015, 6:39 am

    Great read! Really good advice here. I’ve felt that apprehension before about asking someone if they wanted to catch up, particularly when inviting someone over to my place. Your simple party guide really helped me with that though :)

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